I have been waiting for the day that I know tomorrow would come. I am waiting for the day that I can sleep peacefully at night knowing that the sun would rise and warm rays would shine again. I want to accept that day and night are inevitable. I don't want to spend my life living in fear that it will be night forever. I don't want to be afraid that the hardest challenge of my life is ahead of me, but know that it is, and feel ready to face that day.
I have been waiting for the day that loneliness didn't feel like a given. To go to sleep carelessly and wake up knowing for sure that I am not alone. To know that life isn't always easy, for anybody, and that others will support me in my moments of weakness. That the people around me are willing to pick me up, like I would pick them up. That I would not be judged for my empathy towards others. To feel certain that the people around me would not mistake kindness for weakness. I have been waiting for the day that I can celebrate with others when we are triumphant, and mourn together when we fail. I want to hold the hand of my beloved as we brave the unknown together. I want to rely on other people to provide the strength I cannot find in myself. I want to provide other people the strength that they need to understand that they are beautiful, capable, and have limitless potential.
I have been waiting for the day that my love and passion is not a burden. The day that I am no longer in debt to my spirit. To feel valuable as an artist and a person. I want to return to the celebration of my creativity and discontinue the doubt of the path that I have chosen. To know that this was not my only path in life, but for better or worse, it is now my path. To know that I have the ability to have success doing what I love and to share it with the people around me. I want to know that I have the potential. I want to feel confidence that I am living my life to the best of my ability. I have been waiting for the day that I am valued for what I can do, and not turned away because of the things I haven't learned yet. I want to be given the chance to learn. To be given the chance to prove my mettle and show that I will not disappoint.
I have been waiting for the day where I feel my voice resonates with my message. To know that for better or worse I am heard. To not allow the fear of judgment or failure silence me. To express the most vulnerable things in my heart and mind without hesitation fearing judgment. To know my message has meaning and that others will value it. To no longer doubt that I am not good enough to achieve the peace of mind that I have spent so long looking for. I have waited for the day that I am no longer afraid to embrace others with everything I have to offer because I am afraid to see them take it for granted. I have been waiting for the day I recognize that I am not taking those gifts for granted myself or the gifts of others. I pride myself in my vigilance to recognize the beauty of the people around me rather than judge them for their faults, but fail to truly secure that recognition of myself.
I cannot say that the day has come where I know that my words have value. I can only hope that day is soon. I can only hope that soon I will feel the value that others have in my words and sleep peacefully knowing that tomorrow will come and that I will have a meaningful day. I do not ask for an easy day. I do not ask for the day to be given to me outright. I just want to know that the day will come, and that I will be valued, and have value in the task ahead of me. I do not have any important mission, nor do I have ambition to be somebody important to many. All that I ask is that I am important to those who know me. My only ambition is to be loved by a few.
On a day like today it's easy to believe that the light of morning is just over the horizon, but I've seen so many false horizons. Yesterday was difficult and I'll never forget that. I want to believe so badly. And I want the people that I love to believe too. I hope that day is soon and I know that I am not alone. I never want to stop working for that perfect day and I never want to lose hope that it will come.
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